Bah Humbug, Or Something Like That

I would like to post the following sign around my neighborhood:

Dear Sh!thead who dumped my entire bowl of candy into his pillow case on Halloween, please trick-or-treat at my house again next year. I have a surprise for you.

(It's not cursing if you use punctuation in place of letters.)

Maybe it was the afternoon I spent at John Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity (or Stephen Colbert's Rally to Keep Fear Alive, depending on which way you swing), but I've decided that I'm definitely pro-signage and/or homemade t-shirt. In fact, I'm thinking of carrying a few signs of my own, picketer-style, during trick-or-treat next year. Here are some of my ideas:

Promiscuous is not a costume.

Or, for the little ones:

Slow down, you greedy little bastard. The candy isn't going anywhere.

Before you yell at me for cursing (twice), just breathe. Of course I'm not talking about your kid. I'm sure your kid was smartly dressed and polite.

I'm neurotic today because...

...despite rallying with Team Sanity a day earlier, I nearly lost my marbles dealing with the hundred or so trick-or-treaters that bombarded my neighborhood. That is, until we found the house dishing out adult treats. Grand marnier, anyone?