Shut your pie hole, okay?

Ignorance really irritates me.

Unless, of course, it's my choice:

Rodents the size of domestic animals do not reside in the suburbs. Nor do they roam about in areas they know I have been or plan to visit.

Bing Crosby was not a drunk, Albert Einstein did not cheat on his wives, and Sheldon Cooper is not autistic. So shut your pie hole, okay?

My children will always think it's cool to hang out with me, they will always give me hugs in public, and they will always eagerly talk to me about what's going on in their lives.

I've never eaten in a restaurant with health code violations. The cook wears a hairnet and gloves when preparing my food and the waiter has freshly washed hands. I've never ingested any hair, body fluids, or bugs with my meal.

All my ex's realize I am perfect and regret the day they let me go. Furthermore, extremely attractive and wealthy men are intimidated by my beauty. This is clearly the reason I haven't been snagged yet.



I'm neurotic today because...
...selective ignorance is pure bliss.