'I have to excuse myself. My legs were so swollen this morning that I had to take my Lasix. Sometimes I can't make it to the bathroom in time, and I think this morning I peed myself a little. I apologize if I have an odor, dear.'
I love old people for a lot of reasons, but most of all because they're not afraid. They're not afraid to tell you they've peed themselves, or that they're bleeding from the rectum ('due to medication interactions. It only happens when I have a movement, dear. Don't worry'). They tell you you're fat if you are, that you need a haircut if you do, or that you're wrong whenever they feel you are. They do these things without provocation and without apology...because they can.
I suppose when I'm 85 years old I won't give two hoots either whether anyone approves of me driving 45 mph on the beltway or only partially pulling my Lincoln Continental into my handicapped parking spot. I might even unabashedly pass gas in public. Who knows what I'll do with all that freedom.
I'm neurotic today because...
...I'm starting a to-do list of all the things I'll do when I no longer care what you think of me.
ADDENDUM: True story. I was helping a patient with his shoes and socks when he apologized for his odor. My face was approximately twelve inches from his crotch.
ReplyDeleteNow that's just a yummy thought...can't say I'm jealous of your day.
ReplyDeleteBut I just wanted to say yay to your blog title :)
And I must agree. It will be such a liberating day when I really don't care what people think.