Public Enemy #2

The second floor bathroom at 10753 Falls Road is the grossest place on Earth. Okay, maybe I'm being a smidge dramatic.

Then again, maybe not.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: what is the purpose of the tissue paper toilet seat cover? As far as I can tell, it only serves to soak up the pee of the person who was there before me. Judging from the splatter pattern, this person was a hoverer. I understand why the hoverer hovers...because the person in front of them hovered, splattering their urine all over the place...and that person hovered because the person in front of them hovered. Please, ladies, I implore you...break the hover cycle!

And while I'm on the subject of pee splatter, who is urinating on the floor? I could concede the presence of a foul smelling puddle saturating my shoe if it were a mens room. After all, it is a long way from the man-goodies to the toilet bowl. But in a ladies room? Even if you are a hoverer, I can only assume you implement the straddle-the-toilet-bowl method. How, then, do you miss the toilet?

And why are there always strips of toilet paper strewn about the bathroom? I'll admit, I don't use the exposed piece of toilet tissue on my special places...that portion gets torn off and a fresh, uncontaminated piece is used. But the unused portion is flushed, not thrown about the room, t-p party style.

I'm not sure what the second floor employees are consuming for lunch, but someone has severe intestinal issues. There is always a moment of indecision--stay or go?--when I enter the rancid smelling post-lunch restroom. If I stay, will the person jiggling the door handle, waiting for me to finish, think I was the culprit of such an offensive odor? Should I tell them that under no circumstance do I #2 at work? Will they think I'm joshin' them?

I'm neurotic today because...
...I have more public bathroom issues than I have room to blog. Ugh!