Thursday, July 1, 2010

Oh, my aching uterus (with a side of genius)


Please excuse my heavy breathing. I just returned from the most amazing run on the NCR trail ever. Well, except for the whole Laila inhaling her food upon return and then projectile vomiting it across my she-cave thing. Besides that, it was awesome for two reasons.

First, I solved an ongoing quandary of mine.

I have been suffering from baby fever like whoa lately. It feels like everyone was invited to the baby making party but me. It's a little sad, I'm not going to lie. Luckily for me, I have Laila, who is apparently the cutest dog on the face of the earth. She's almost like having a baby, except I never retained water and didn't have to push her from my hoo-ha. I get all the same smiles and aww, she's so cute's as with the kids. I even have to put the pink collar on her so everyone knows she's a girl, just like I did with my bald babies. Problem [temporarily?] solved: I'll ride this wave for a while, take Laila for long walks in crowded areas, and hopefully avoid the need for a spermcicle.

Secondly, I invented something.

As I was running along, breathing heavily, inhaling bugs as I went along, I thought to myself, self, you really should invent something that prevents bugs from flying into your mouth when you run outside. Either that, or be in better shape so you're not inhaling so hard. Let's face it, inventing something is easier, and more likely. So, I did. Based on my rough mental sketch, I've envisioned a multi-colored sweatband with tinted adjustable Plexiglas windshield attachment. I'd like to somehow work into the design a hair tie for the mane-challenged of the running world, but I need to work out the logistics.

I swear, some days I think I sweat genius.

I'm neurotic today because...
...did I just say I wanted another baby?

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